Post-Milenyo clean-up operations
Posted by: Fats in: Fats, Vitamins & Minerals > Wika at HirapAnother thing the storm (and the clean-up operations) has taught me is to stop wasting time on discussion groups and on people who claim to be my friends. I have just left lots of such groups - local ones such as ArtForum, Plaridel, Banggaan, Cinemanila, and a bunch of foreign discussion groups. It is much better to nurture few close personal contacts - who, after all, are not in any of these so-called “discussion groups” at all.
In 2004, I decided to focus on my own work - after being in the teaching profession for 8 years I have been so used to doing things for others. Besides, it was because I wanted to focus on my own work that teaching became a hindrance and a pain. The process of self-knowledge continues. Sometimes it is inevitable to feel embarassed when asserting and articulating my own work, but now I know that it is necessary …
September 30th, 2006 at 4:27 pm
The storm was indeed devastating in Manila. Never thought it was THAT destructive after coming back to work yesterday. I travelled commuting via bus from Bulacan to Antipolo. I saw electric post and lines hanging and trees uprooted — reasons why there was no MRT or LRT working. Commuters are stranded in EDSA that early Friday morning. And I heard, there were no power in certain areas up to now.
Fats, I have been reading your recent entries and I feel ashamed to myself. Ewan ko ba? Perhaps in fear and questioning myself where am I heading to? I really have this blank space in front of me.
I want to be self-centered now. Just to think about myself. Being a bitch was an idea… parang “alter-ego”. Pero hindi ko rin kaya eh. It’s hard to be bad, conceited and selfish when you know deep inside you are not.
Sigh.
I hate idle moments. Makes you think things you don’t want to think about… those you avoid seemed to haunt you back.
I keep on telling myself that there’s no regret on what I did or what I chose to be, to be with or be at. But…
Yeah… the “but” appears once more.
October 1st, 2006 at 9:00 am
Hahaha!
I got that story too. Never thought I’d be reading it again… right now Ü
Perhaps what I can do now is drive straight but look at the side mirrors to be aware of those “surprises”. Rear view? Once in awhile siguro…
When fear engulfs you, Fats… what do you do? Have lots of questions noh?
Kasi I have idle moments now. I think I have to get ‘extra’ life aside from work-home scheme I am having since birth! (Of course, OA ‘yun!)
Kape naman tayo minsan
Do you remember Jose, Fats?
October 1st, 2006 at 10:25 am
Blogging is therapeutic. As part of “self-knowledge” or “self-centering”, I’ve learned to write for myself - not for other people, but just for myself. That’s when I ask lots of questions and try to discover the answers. I learned that it’s possible to find the answers (or clues) in life experiences, if we look really closely and introspect, at least for me, the answer is not in “feel-good stories” or song lyrics. I know people mean well when they send me such stories or lyrics, but for me personally, they are a negative distraction (of course there are positive distractions too, depending on what you are being distracted from).
Sometimes, real paralyzing fear is a sign. So I need to listen to that fear and see its true face. Stop driving muna, ika nga. Hinay-hinay lang ang preno kung masyado nang mabilis. So you’re right about “getting a life” outside of home and work routine - perhaps you are not even really suited for a work-home scheme. Maybe you’d be more relaxed and happy in a work-from-home scheme or the home-is-work scheme.
Try various combinations and see.
I saw a program about the life story of an Irish priest who worked in the Philippines (I think it was in Boys’ Town), and something called “The Custody of the Eye” was mentioned. It meant that the priest never looked at what he most wanted to see, that he resisted reading what he wanted to read. I suppose it was part of a ritual of purification through a life based on Christ’s life on earth.
What intrigued me is the actuality that many people today do things they never want to do in the first place. So what’s the difference?
Without making any moral assumptions as to which is right or wrong, I realized that the fundamental difference between the priest’s Custody of the Eye and people who do things they don’t want to do is that the priest’s life is based on a clearly articulated set of principles, or rules. So it doesn’t even matter of people were doing things that they want to do. What matters is that actuations are based on clarified principles.
So, for me personally, the uncomforming bird is unhappy because he / she gave up on his / her principle of non-comformity. It doesn’t matter whether the unconforming bird survived or not.
If by Jose you mean dear Chong, then yes, I remember.
Kumusta na sya?