It was your translation of “computability” into a different language in the “espeys” lecture that was so exciting and encouraging. Underlying my work has always been a feeling that goes beyond logic -which is why I have talked of “mystici” and “symbolists”. Why I enjoyed the book on memory by Yates. The book on icons too. So what is the logic behind my love of plants -and the dynamic interactions that keep the universe alive? The european flower seeds failed to grow here too -but the mango, the citrus and other things (including perhaps tomato -but not the pepper) are growing in the drying space. The younger seedling cacti mostly died but a few older ones and your cuttings survive… Some new, mature cacti, are most impressive. My computer programmes attempt to celebrate the cosmic creative dance -and are inspired by the plants. It is the dead logic of Europe that I have fought against -not your language, which I still hope you will develop further -and from which I still wish to learn by participating in the dialogue.

It was the desire to improve communication and understanding -to create the safe space so the relationship could develop more positively -that lead us both (including myself) to search for someone to help us. It was the desire for understanding and change -that caused me to write to your doctor. Indeed, just living here alone and having contact with the local people has changed me already -hopefully back to the more sensitive and open person I was before the traumas of Holland.

Your fears are understandable -but it is my unconditional love that has made possible for me to accept the pain of your anger without love turning into hate. However, I accept that my frustrations over-ruled almost all else. These are much quieter now -although the panic attacks have not completely gone. My explanations were not intended as excuses -just attempts to open up the dialogue by exploring the possibility that apparent differences were caused by underlying similarities -which might make mutual understanding easier. I am also truly sorry for upsetting your family -I certainly had no wish or reason to do so.

So is there a way for us to finally destroy any remains of the frustrations and suspicions that drove us apart -to improve communication and trust (in a safe way), so it becomes easier for everybody involved to move towards healing and the development of the safe space we so desparately need?

Marie and I both trully hope so -especially with Edward now so clean and freshly laundered….

Of course I wish to listen, to understand and to change. Please let us now work together to create the space to do so.